


Kurtbastian Week 2012 (Round 2)

by MarauderCracker



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, mild drug use (weed!)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 14:35:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2154240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarauderCracker/pseuds/MarauderCracker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Days 2 to 7 from the KBWeek12, including undercover!AUs, stoner!AUs, scenes in New York City, and Texts from Last Night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First times: Says he's gonna show me just what fast is.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set in the future, in NYC. Stoner!fic.

They are not exactly friends. Well, they talk almost every day and go out (for coffee or for alcohol) together most of the time and they talk about everything. Sex and love and friends and college and work and family and money and anything they need or want to talk about, they can talk with each other.

New York City brought them close and the paths of life even closer. They started out as friends when Kurt started college in Parsons and Sebastian in NYU, and then… Well, it’s hard to explain. Kurt can’t really understand it, but he goes along with it.

Sometimes, he thinks that he’s in love. The first time they have sex, he believes it.  The first time they sleep together, and wake up in the same bed and share the morning shower and the morning coffee; he knows it. 

They aren’t serious, of course. Before Sebastian, Kurt never thought that he could be someone’s “friend with benefits”, but here he is. (After all, when he broke up with Blaine it was Sebastian who dragged him trough all the gay bars and clubs in NYC and showed him that you can always cover pain with pleasure and heartbreak with sex). He waits for Sebastian’s call or texts him something not very subtle about having vodka in his apartment. And they work.

When they are drunk Sebastian tells him that he’s gorgeous, that he’s the sexiest guy in New Your City, that there’s no one he likes more than Kurt. Kurt thinks it’s all a lie, of course. But it’s still nice to hear. Sebastian makes him forget about all the things that still ache him (not having got into NYADA, losing Blaine, not seeing his family, the friends he hasn’t seen twice since moving to NYC, a million things), Sebastian pours another glass of vodka and 7up and forces Kurt to drink it in two gulps, Sebastian presses him against the wall and tells him he’s beautiful and Kurt is in love. Kurt forgets. 

They get awfully drunk in Sebastian’s fancy apartment and go to the roof to see the sun rising. Sebastian is wearing only jeans and Kurt has boxers, a sweater and heart shaped sunglasses that he stole from someone in the last party they attended. Spring in NYC is just beginning. 

“You are a month away from turning twenty and you can’t be my friend if you are twenty and haven’t tried any drug”, is Sebastian’s comment as the sun appears behing the line of the buildings. 

“This is your way of telling me what?” Asks Kurt, leaning against the parapet and staring at the city. He sees Sebastian taking a joint out of his pocket by the corner of his eye, and sighs. “Seriously?”

“Come oooon, Kurt. Just try it. It’ll do no wrong, is not cocaine.” Sebastian lights the joint and Kurt takes a step further. Sebastian just rolls his eyes and takes a drag, leans against the parapet with him, ignores Kurt for a minute. “This one is called lemmon pepper. St. James gave it to me, it turns out he’s got a plant hidden in the closet.”

Kurt hums a little noise to say he’s listening. Half of the sun is already out. Suddenly, he feels Sebastian leaning against his side. “Kiss me?” 

Sebastian breathes in his mouth and Kurt can taste it, the smoke sweet but spicy, can’t help but inhale and hold it for a second. Not long enough, because he breathes out the second Sebastian bites his lip and makes him gasp. But he ends up giving in, taking another drag from Sebastian’s mouth and then a few more directly from the joint.  

(Kurt discovers that pot gets you all giggly and horny and they jerk each other off, leaning against the parapet and making the stolen sunglasses fall from Kurt’s forehead into the street. When they stumble downstairs, back to Sebastian’s apartment to eat something and sleep until noon, Sebastian comments, lowly in Kurt’s ear that “hey, who would have said that I’d be your first time.”)


	2. AUs: Kinda outta luck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Con-men!Kurtbastian. Mentions of alcohol and drug consumption, mentions of sex. Nothing explicit.

Kurt sits on the arm of the couch, stretches his legs and lights up a cigarette. His feet hurt and he’s sweaty and tired. All he wants is to sleep, but he can’t have it yet. The plan is not near complete. He sighs and runs a hand trough his hair.

“Try not to ruin the make up, Princess, we need you to be pretty for a while longer.”  A low voice says from behind the couch. Kurt knows that the courtains that seem to cover a window actually hide Sebastian, who is looking trough a hole in the fabric. “He should be on his way now.”

“I know, Seb, shut the fuck up,” is Kurt’s answer. He runs a hand against the inside of his calf to check that the knife is still attached to his left boot and moves so he’s lying in the couch, his right foot over the back rest and the left leg bent so he can reach to the knife without having to stretch.

“You know that, if he decided to do something –or someone- else, we are…”

“I know, Sebastian. He won’t change his mind. And I told you to shut up.” Barely ten seconds after Kurt has shushed Sebastian again, the door is opened. They are both glad they weren’t talking in that moment, because the man who enters would have had suspected and that would have ruined everything.

-

James Huntington is high. Awfully high. He doesn’t know it, though. Someone (that would be Sebastian, who worked half of the night as bartender when the actual bartender got sick after Kurt mixed laxants in his food) slipped a pill in his drink, but Mr Huntington thinks he’s only a bit too drunk as he walks into the dancer’s personal changing room. What was his name? Kay, they call him Kay. “Our diamonds of the night, Kay,” said the presenter before the guy entered the stage, and James was instantly captivated.

Kay danced and singed, something few people could do. He sang Lady Gaga’s “Teeth” while dancing around the silver pole like he was born to do it, all high laced boots and that vest/corset that clung to his muscled chest like it had been tailored for him. The dancer had rip-off pants that came out to reveal black leather shorts and a pair of long and almost hairless legs; and could sing with that low and sultry voice while hanging upside down in the pole.

When Huntington got up to slip a hundred dollar bill in Kay’s waistband he bent over to whisper in his air to look him in his room after the show. James thought that his night couldn’t get better. And here he is, entering the room to find the guy stretched in the couch, a glass of whiskey in one hand and a cigarette hanging from his mouth. The sexiest thing he’s ever seen.

“Hi, gorgeous,” he says, not knowing that he’s walking right into a trap.

-

Sebastian looks trough the cloth that’s hiding him. He watches as Kurt sits up gracefully and shows only the back of his head and his broad shoulders to Sebastian. He watches as Senator Huntington walks towards him, smirks, murmurs something.  He admires the way the silver watch covered in diamonds shines in Kurt’s wrist as he stretches his arm to leave the glass of scotch in the small table next to the couch and then uses that same hand to get a hold on Huntington’s tie and drags him closer. Sebastian closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to see when Kurt makes Huntington sit in the couch and stradles him with his so long legs, so he doesn’t need to look when Kurt kisses him fiercely and slowly strips out of the vest and the shorts, never taking the boots off.

But he is forced to look. The back of the couch covers almost everything but he knows that Kurt will signal the right moment, and Sebastian has to look. He can see Kurt tearing open the condom with his teeth and a sadistic smile, he can see that he leans to say something in the man’s ear. He can’t hear what Kurt’s whispering, though, but Huntington moans and Kurt smirks before going down on him.

Now Sebastian can’t see more than the Senator’s head and he feels so tempted to use the gun he has right by his side. He could kill him in one perfect, clean shot. “God, another one,” he hears him moan. And the sound of another condom being open makes its way between the moans and whines.

He decides that probably Huntington is too high to notice as he lights up a cigarette, careful not to burn the courtains while doing it. When he looks outside again he can see Kurt. Kurt who has one of Huntington’s legs over his shoulder and slides into him in one hard trust that makes the man scream. Kurt and the way his eyes roll back and he groans while digging his nails into the leather of the couch, Kurt and the way his strong arms and shoulders and back work when he’s fucking Huntington, who’s been reduced to a whimpering mess.

The moment Kurt looks up, directly to where he knows Sebastian is watching him, and nods twice, Sebastian is left breathless. Is hard to remember the plan when Kurt is looking at him while fucking another man, but he pushes himself up from the chair and grabs the gun. He has to get himself together.

-

Kurt finds it very hard to be professional and do what he has to do when he knows that Sebastian is watching him. He changes a bit the original plan because he knows he just can’t be fucked when Smythe is an spectator. (It’s not that hard, convincing a high and horny man that he can enjoy himself a lot more if Kurt shows him what he can do with his hips while fucking him and not the other way).

When he nods for Sebastian to come out he knows he’s not prepared for it. His partner opens the curtains and stalks silently towards him, holding Kurt’s gaze, and he thinks –for a second- that he’s going to lose control. He keeps thrusting as Sebastian holds up his gun, he keeps thrusting as the click of the revolver being unlocked fills the room. The look of panic in Huntington’s face as he feels the cold canon of the gun against his head almost makes him laugh. Almost. Instead, he smirks at Sebastian as he holds in a moan and comes.

“Senator Huntington, if you can’t see it, there’s a camera there, over the shelf. I think we have a lot of blackmailing material,” Sebastian whispers in the poor man’s ear, his eyes never leaving Kurt’s.


	3. Proposals: Everything is coldly calculated.

They first became friends when they moved to New York City. Well, friends is not exactly the word. It would be more accurate to say that Kurt was heartbroken and lonely and Sebastian was… Sebastian. Get these two, add meeting in the party Nick threw to “welcome everyone to New York”, multiply by a lot of alcohol and divide by nor Kurt nor Sebastian having a relationship with the Warblers as close as they used; and you get rushed kissing in a cab, stumbling trough the door of Sebastian’s apartment, zero clothes and good sex. Once you square it you have amazing, mind blowing sex.

It’s only the perfect equation of their relationship that makes them keep on seeing each other. They are like that function, that one you will never truly understand because the reasoning is beyond you, but you know it works perfectly. They are a huge mess of numbers and letters and dividing by decimals; but the result is always right.

Two coffees (C sub one is Kurt’s moccha; C sub two is Sebastian’s schiumatto) plus three nights in Sebastian’s bed every week (that’s the variable), divided by not telling their respective friends they are seeing each other. Take it all and raise it to the fourth, which stands for four months of snarky conversations and sarcasms and arguments that are not exactly arguments and getting drunk before falling in bed together. The result is a friendship that lacks completely on shame or secrets, and a kind of complicity they both missed sharing with anyone.

It’s that (the perfect maths of their relationship, the fact that one plus one can make two and not one that depends entirely on the other, or one that ends up annulling himself to make the other happy, or make three where the third wheel is a huge mountain of complicated feelings), is that what makes Kurt stand open mouthed and scared as he’s never been when he takes Sebastian, adds a little velvet box in his hand and finds that it equals a proposal. The entire logic of Kurt’s perfectly calculated universe starts to fall apart. 

 “Kurt… I know this is kind of sudden but…” (a private booth in the corner of the café, plus Sebastian inviting him a moccha and muffins, plus the text Kurt received today saying that it was something important; equal… Sebastian opens the box, and the equation is perfect again.)  “would you like to try the new handcuffs I bought?”

(One plus one makes two and Kurt laughs louder than ever as he accepts the box with a condom and the key of the handcuffs.)


	4. Bedtime stories: I'm going back to 505.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Drug overdose. Future!Kurtbastian.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

A silence. Kurt listens to Sebastian’s slow, deep breaths.

“7 a.m?”

“Indeed. You are getting better at this. Did you just get home?”

“Yes, went to Rachel’s to leave her a few things and she dragged me in to drink with her.”

Sebastian chuckles. Kurt can almost feel him, laughing against his neck. But no, it’s only the phone pressed between his cheek and his shoulder as he opens a bottle of white wine.

“She says that Sex on the Beach’s taste like sunsets.”

“You should find yourself new friends.”

“You were the one that said that it was a miracle that more than five people bear with me.”

Another silence. Kurt can guess the click of the lighter, the sound of the air and the smoke as it runs into Sebastian’s lungs.

“Want a glass of wine?”

“I know your taste in alcohol, I’ll pass. Besides, it was Mexican night, wine and tequila don’t mix.”

“Didn’t you tell me that you were going to that Irish bar?”

“Mexican night in an Irish bar in Paris, I know, it’s a tad ironic.”

They laugh. Kurt drinks directly from the bottle as he turns on his laptop.

“What should I listen to?”

“You should go to sleep. Isn’t it 2 a.m.?”

“1.30, actually. Tell me what to listen to or I’ll put Lady Gaga and sing on the phone.”

“And I’ll hang up. What about The Killers?”

Kurt hums as he searches trough his music library. As he clicks play, he takes another sip of wine.

“Sawdust is the best and the saddest album.”

“Do you want to kill yourself or something? Play Day and Age.”

“Nope, I like this one.”

“Whatever. I don’t want Rachel calling me tomorrow to tell me that you jumped from the rooftop.”

Kurt can hear things moving, Sebastian’s breathing now louder, like he’s got the phone pressed against his jaw.

“Whatever. What are you doing?”

“Ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies.”

Kurt sighs, is about to comment on how much of a nerd Sebastian actually is. He hears the sniff, bites his lower lip.

“Seb, you know you shouldn’t…”

Sebastian ignores him for a few more seconds, Kurt feels his skin crawl at what he knows is happening.

“Come on, don’t start n…”

A tump. A few choked beaths. Another tump. The phone hits the floor.

“Sebastian? Sebastian?”

 .

“Where do you want to call?”

“I urgently need to know what’s the 911 of Paris.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s an emergency.”

 .

 _“Il était au téléphone. Je crois qu’l s’agissait d’un surdosage. P_ lease, I wouldn’t be calling overseas for a joke. Please. _”_

_“Ok, monsieur, ok._ _Si c’est là où vous dites qu’il est, il sera pris à…”_

Kurt writes down the name of the hospital and sighs. He takes a big gulp of wine and wipes the tears off his face with the back of his hand.

 .

_“Smythe, Sebastian. Un gars avec un surdosage?_ _Il ya quelques minutes.”_

_“Oh! Oui, laissez-moi vérifier. Oui, salle 345. Il a obtenu ici il ya quinze minutes, et ilslui avaient déjà réveillé. Permettez-moi de vous connecter._

_“_ Oh, god, _merci.”_

_._

“You’re an asshole. Oh my God, I had never been so scared in my life. God, I hate you.”

“I’m fine. I swear, I’m fine.”

“I don’t even…”

“Kurt.”

Kurt takes a deep breath as he googles when is the next flight to Paris parting. Sebastian is quiet for a few seconds.

“I just want to sleep.”

“I know, Seb. I know.”

“Tell me a story.”

Kurt grabs Le Petit Prince from his bookshelf and read it to Sebastian over the phone. He spends an awful amount of money calling overseas and empties the second bottle of wine around 4 a.m.

“ _Tu sais… ma fleur… j’en suis responsable ! Et elle est tellement faible ! Et elle est tellement naïve. Elle a quatre épines de rien du tout pour la protéger contre le monde…_ ”

When the book ends, Sebastian’s voice sounds broken.

“I miss you.”

“Go to sleep, Seb.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’ll be there tomorrow in the evening.”

Sebastian doesn’t argue. He knows it'd be pointless. Instead, he asks the nurse to borrow a phone charger, calls Jean, asks him to clean his apartment of any bottle or pill or needle before he gets back. 


	5. Texting: TFLN

Sebastian rents an entire floor of a department building and throws a huge un-birthday party. Everyone he knows is invited, and some people he doesn’t know too. The police arrives at four am and Sebastian can’t find Kurt. Kurt who told him that he was being a pretentious brat and the party would suck.

_“Swear to god a cop just told me that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed.”_

Sometime along the summer between first and second year of college Kurt finally acquires Sebastian’s habit of talking about sex like it’s no big deal. It’s june and Sebastian wakes near dawn to a text from Kurt (and thinks that he hates how bad he writes when texting.)  
 _“remmbr i told u we were goin to disneyland with new directns? after disney we went to a bar n i met peter pan again. hes nakd n passd out right bside me. when u wish upon a star…”_  
Sebastian asks for photo proof.

Peter Pan starts the debacle of Kurt’s concept of romance and sexual standars, but Sebastian never had them, for starters. During the evening of a Monday Kurt receives a text that makes him choke on his coffee and look totally idiotic in from of the entire NYADA library.   
 _“I’m touching myself for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test.”_  
That night Kurt goes out for a few drinks with his classmates and Sebastian gets another awfuly spelled text past midnight.   
 _“fell off the bed in the middle of it n he yelled 5 sec rule n kept fucking me- i think im in love”_

Sebastian is (as Kurt says it) the one who corrupts him. Kurt smokes pot for the first time with him (and Puck and Santana are so offended they won’t even talk to him for a week), and the second, and the third. The first time Kurt smokes without Sebastian is after a concert, when the bassist of the band invites him over with them to have a few drinks. He texts Sebastian at three am.  
 _“im smoking weed outta trumpet while sexy bassist plays the harmonic”_  
 _“Just rolled down two flights of stairs after longboarding down the hallways, naked.”_  
 _“its a tie”_

While Kurt texts Rachel or Santana when he’s having a rough night or feeling down, the most of his nightly texts to Sebastian are about hook ups, doing something wild or writing  _“if u dont see me tomorrow i died tryin to jump from a balcony to another yolo”_. It is Kurt who starts the tradition of texting about the interesting hookups, but Sebastian loves the idea.   
 _“I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he’d let me find out. I love Australians.”_  
“Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who’s sitting across from us like we’re having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.”  
 Kurt wonders how does Sebastian always get to have a good lay and a good story to tell.

By the time Kurt turns 21, they mostly consider each other friends. Sebastian gives Kurt a McQueen jacket with a bottle of rum hidden in a pocket and five joints in the other, and Kurt kisses him in the mouth before yelling that he wants a tequila shot. The night after, Sebastian gets a text right before midnight.  
 _“i have no idea what was in that pot you gave me for my bday but i just stopped for 10min at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green.”_

Kurt gets a two months internship in Paris and almost disappears from Sebastian’s life. He texts him once from Amsterdam talking about the best weekend trip of his life, and once when he’s just a week away from coming back.   
 _“guy sitting next to me in the bar was talking about the best fuck of his life n he said ‘he was called sebastian smythe, if u evr come across him u have to beg him to fuck u’. im in london and feeling both very proud of u and very intrigued”  
_ A week after Kurt comes back to New York, and Parsons and his friends and his life; Sebastian insists that they go clubbing together. They end up sleeping together, almost naked and passed out before going past making out. 

They can’t know when did they get to the point of texting to talk about other stuff than the people they sleep with. Kurt wonders why is Sebastian the first person he thinks about telling this as he types a text. He has to admit, as he sends it, that they may be really good friends.  
 _“theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a teenage christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it hold me or ill bitch slap her”_

Sebastian has the same revelation when Kurt plays the most annoying joke on him and he is not even a little mad. Sebastian is the kind of person who would rip your eyes if you mess with his stuff, but he only laughs and sends a quick text before going back to sleep off the hangover.  
 _“I know you are the one who changed all my contacts to fictional characters. Batman’s been all morning texting me innuendos. What happened last night?”_

Somewhere along the way, Sebastian discovers he’s friends with Kurt’s friends. Not only Santana, who kind of liked him ever since they got over the whole Senior Year debacle, but the others too. When Kurt texts him about something stupid one of his friends does, he can picture it perfectly in his head. (Somewhere along the way, Sebastian discovers he’s got friends. That’s what surprises him the most.)  
 _“puck is getting emotional and singing we are young with a lighter in his hand, i think hell try to literally set the world on fire and u really should be there to see it”_

Being friends with Kurt has a few quirks. Sebastian takes upon himself the duty of “helping Kurt relax”, which is a synonym for “distracting him of the work he has to do and getting him drunk with very poor excuses”. But sometimes it also means that Sebastian helps Kurt study, makes him coffee as he’s working on a design or (and God help him if someone ever knows about this) be used as a model when Kurt is running really short of time. Sometimes, he does all of this at the same time, including the “getting Kurt drunk” part.  
” _Explain me why I woke up in Rachel’s bed with one of your artistic designs or whatever you call them on. I know McQueen would be proud of you but I really can’t take it out and if you don’t help me I’ll use a knife._ ”  
” _have to tell u that u are asking me to rip your clothes off. gimme ten minutes, i’m totally hungover and jesse and rachel are sleeping naked in the kitchen floor._ ”

Being friends with Sebastian is not an easy task. Mostly because Sebastian’s way to deal with his problems isn’t very normal.   
Kurt spends entire weeks going to Sebastian’s only to prepare coffee, open his sketchbook and draw while Sebastian scowls and pretends to study. He knows that Sebastian doesn’t like to talk about things but neither wants to be alone, so he refrains his natural instinct to be invasive and protective and ask too much and just… He’s just there for him.  
When Sebastian decides that he doesn’t want to be in a bad mood any longer he just buys a bottle of something with high alcoholic content and gets drunk enough to  make a toast for their friendship and tell Kurt that maybe, just maybe, he kind of doesn’t dislike him so much.   
(That’s just one of the ways he has to thank Kurt for being with him.)  
” _if u put this bloody mary in my college bag u are the best. if not i think that drunken me is very generous towards hungover me._ “ 

Their friendship works like that. Sharing coffee, sharing hours of study, sharing a lot of drunk nights. Never admitting that they share anything more that a mutual dislike.   
 _“Did you notice that sometimes you type even worse when you are sober than drunk?”_  
 _“did u notice that ure an asshole?”_  
 _“Seriously, the Iphone turns you into an idiot. You are almost smart when you are not texting.”_  
 _“i said fuck u”_

They argue. They fight. They mock each other and sometimes step a bit over the line and hurt without wanting to. Kurt spends a week without talking to Sebastian because of something he said and they both know there won’t be an apology.  
Sebastian waits, because he knows that Kurt will stop being mad and decide that he misses annoying him. Next monday after the fight, a text that pretends to be offensive but really isn’t tells him that everything is back to normal.  
” _the new guy at work told me that his favorite drink is having a guy come in his mout and then taking a shot of vodka 20 min after meeting. i think he is your long lost brother._ ”  
” _That’s the pick up line I used with Alex._ “ 

Kurt will deny it until the day he dies. He tells Sebastian that they were playing truth or dare, that it was a joke, that he was just totally drunk. He even tries with the wrong number excuse. Sebastian just laughs, saves the message he got last Saturday night and hopes that his boyfriend never sees it. He is already jealous enough of Kurt to know this.  
 _“i realy rly think you should get out of ur relationship and get into my pants”_  
 _“I love it when you are drunk.”_

Sebastian doesn’t mention the text incident again and their relationship stays the same. Well, maybe not. Kurt touches him a lot less and Sebastian doesn’t make as much lewd jokes as he used to. Not when they are sober, at least.  
They get drunk and make up for all the missing contact, go back to the comfortable intimacy they were used to. Or just a tad more. After all, it’s not like Kurt had ever spent an hour straddling Sebastian’s waist while he’s only wearing boxers and laying on his stomach.  
” _You painted the coolest snake of history in my back with a Sharpie last night. It’s my third shower, if it doesn’t get out this time I might go to a tattoo studio and get it inked._ ”    

Sebastian texting Kurt to remind him of what happened last night seems to be their strongest tradition. He knows that his friend (when did he got to think about Kurt as a friend?) starts to lose pieces of the night after the second shot of vodka and forgets everything if he drinks more than too glasses of wine.  
He likes to remind him of the particularly embarrassing things, but he keeps a few to himself. The night they make out in the shower, half dressed and entirely drunk, he doesn’t mention it in his wake up text.  
 _“You started crying because you didn’t get to use your new rainboots this week so I turned on the shower and you spent half on hour jumping around it in only boots and boxers.”_  
 _“u r the best friend ever.”_

Another risky text makes Kurt decide to turn his phone off and leave it as far as possible when he’s drinking. He erases the text from his outbox and tries really hard to erase the memory. Sebastian saves it with the first one but promises himself not to look at it again. He does anyways.  
 _“see? im texting u like i promised instead of drunkenly trying to convince seb to fuck. arnt u proud?”_  
 _“This is Sebastian, baby.”_

Kurt tries really hard to convince that whatever he’s feeling for Sebastian, it’s not more than abstinence, a lot of alcohol and being around a shirtless Sebastian a lot.  
He meets a guy in one of Rachel’s NYADA parties, goes home with him, stays the night. After hesitating a bit, Kurt gives him his number.  
Three weeks after Kurt met Jonathan, he writes Sebastian the kind of text he hasn’t sent in ages. (Sebastian never tells him how jealous he feels).  
” _hes making post orgasm omelettes and margaritas at three am wearing only a tie and a fedora and singing elvis presley. i may marry him._ ”

Two weeks after Kurt officially starts dating Jonathan, a text wakes him up at three a.m. His boyfriend asks him who is it and Kurt isn’t sure why he lies when he answers that it’s just Rachel, go back to sleep.  
” _I may or may not have said your name when Alex was sucking me off in the bathroom of the bar. It’s safe to say that I am no longer in a relationship._ ”

Being friends is turning only harder every day. They always meet with Santana or Rachel along, try not to touch too much, don’t look each other in the eyes. Kurt knows that he does stupid things when he’s drunk, so he refuses every invitation to hang out that involves alcohol. It’s a shame that he forgets to turn his phone just when he’s being so careful.   
” _this could be a drunken rant bout how we r so wrong with timing and well probably die without fucking but i just found that i have a tattoo kink n thougt its important to share that kinda information_ ”

Sebastian goes out because he doesn’t want to think about how could have Kurt discovered about that tattoo kink. He gets drunk in a random bar and ends up walking home at four a.m. He’s awfully drunk as he makes his way, and don’t they say that shiny and colorful things attract drunk people? (The neon sign of the tattoo studio is shiny and colorful).  
” _Seems like I got inked something that looks a lot like that snake you drew all over me a while ago. I had photos in my Iphone and had to pay 400 bucks extra to convince the girl to ink me even though I was drunk. It hurts._ ”

The snake doesn’t cover all of Sebastian’s back, as the original did. It’s on his right shoulder blade and looks a lot better than Kurt’s drunken drawing, but it still makes him feel like he’s about to faint or die or, probably, kiss Sebastian.  
 _“u totally ruined blowjobs for me. u were the motzart of blowjobs, everyone else is nickelback in comparison._  
 _“also, i want u to be concious that i had nevr cheated. u were always the worst influence.”_

_“I think the lines between friendship and sex are pretty blurred by now. Want to finish erasing them?”_   
_“blaine told me the second time u talked to him you used as pick up line ‘sex on a stick n sings like a dream’ n i didnt believe him omg”_   
_“btw, 9 in my apartment and a bottle of rum sounds good?”_


	6. Scandals: There ain't no love, no Montagues or Capulets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Met at Scandals!AU

Kurt enters the Lima Bean with his look fixed on his phone, tweeting Mercedes that she needs to #listento Lady Gaga’s new single, right now. He receives a text from Rachel asking if he should buy “the pretty skirt with the hearts or the kitty sweater” while he’s ordering the usual, and smiles to himself when Mercedes answers his mention. He looks up for just a second to check if his moccha is ready. 

You know that tickling in the back of your neck when someone is staring right at you? Kurt shivers and looks around, trying to guess who was gazing at him. He looks for the sudden turning of head, the eyes that try to escape his, maybe a disgusted sidelook. What he finds instead is rather unexpected.

“Kid, your coffee,” calls the barista. Kurt turns so fast his neck makes a little cracking noise. He stays with his back turned to the rest of the café, looking down at the cup the employee has just put in his hands. A deep breath, and another one. Kurt can’t force himself to turn around. He knows who’s there, still staring at him, still the sensation of fingers running down his spine that his gaze gives him.

He could recognize that face anywhere. The long nose, the high cheekbones, the thin lips that turn up to form a daring smirk. The eyebrows that are always slightly raised, the half-lidded glare. Kurt could never (and, God, has he tried) forget Sebastian Smythe’s face.

But he doesn’t need to know.

__________________________________________

“Hi, honey,” Kurt says, leaning to peck Blaine in the cheek.

“We were just talking about you! Sebastian, this is Kurt, my boyfriend,” Blaine introduces, tugging Kurt by the wrist so he sits closer to him. “He just transferred to Dalton, and is in the Warblers!” Kurt can see, the moment his boyfriend finishes talking, that Sebastian is already going to talk. 

“Pleasure,” he interrupts, extending a hand for him to shake. He can see the way Sebastian’s eyes open wider and his brow furrows a little before his face turns back to his signature smirk. It’s only half of a second but Sebastian’s eyes are still gleaming with something dangerous as he grips Kurt’s hand as tightly as he can.

(It’s almost like it burns but not exactly, more like a sting, the skin prickling where they fingers connect. But Sebastian’s glare does burn, fixed in Kurt’s eyes and not letting him avoid it. Smirking and flirting with Blaine and mocking Kurt’s clothes and telling stories about Paris and staring right at Kurt. And it burns.)

“After two years of Paris’ nightlife, Ohio is rather boring. The only place I go is Scandals, and it’s no big deal. After going to a Black Blanc Bleu, you get bored in all the parties.”

“Scandals? What’s that?” Blaine asks. Kurt rolls his eyes because really? Puck told him about Scandals in sophomore year, just before throwing him into a dumpster. But he doesn’t say anything, of course, because there’s certain things about him (and not only about Lima’s nightlife) that his boyfriend doesn’t know.

“Local gay bar, tiger. It’s midway between Lima and Westerville, actually,” Sebastian explains, never taking his eyes away from Kurt. So green and so full of questions, but there’s also a lot of things that Sebastian never knew. 

Kurt is an amazing actor. “I met the love of my life on the dancefloor,” Sebastian says, and when he adds that they “broke up twenty minutes after we met,” Kurt doesn’t die from jealousy. (It was a delusion, the idea that Sebastian would be referring to him as the love of his life. Kurt’s fantasies of romance and happy endings would only get ruined in Scandals’ dirty dancefloor.) He smiles and hopes that the hurt doesn’t show in his eyes.

“We have a lot of firsts to cross out of our bucketlists, we might as well start now,” is Kurt’s answer when Sebastian offers to show them around. There’s not so many things Kurt would say no to a challenge for.

__________________________________________

Kurt fiddles with the fake ID that Santana got him a year ago, and saves it in his wallet. Sebastian gave Blaine the IDs he got for them earlier this week, and Kurt knows that they are mostly a joke. Sebastian must be pissed off and wanting to take down Kurt’s facade.

It feels weird, going to Scandals without the carefully spiked hair, the eyeliner, the too skinny jeans. The bouncer eyes his ID, eyes him and grins when he sees Blaine holding Kurt’s hand. Kurt is scared he’s going to say something suspicious, but there’s no comment about the change of style. It’s been more than a year since the last time Kurt came here. Actually, since the summer Sebastian spent back in Ohio, made Kurt fall hopelessly in love with him and then went back to Paris like nothing had happened.

And here he is, sitting by the bar with his loose jeans and fit shirts with obnoxiously popped collars, a beer in his hand and that infuriating smirk that Kurt has missed so much. (And how can you miss someone you can’t tolerate, how can you love someone you hate? Kurt informs that he’s not drinking tonight and then isn’t so sure about when exactly did Sebastian and Blaine left him alone to dance.)

“Hey,” someone says, and Kurt turns around to find David Karofsky trying and failing at smiling at him, blushing up to the roots of his hair. 

__________________________________________

Blaine drinks three bottles of beer in a round and dances with Sebastian. Sebastian with the wandering eyes that always end in Kurt, who’s sitting at the bar, talking in a friendly way with a big guy and stealing sips of his beer every now and then. The both of them are laughing and leaning really close so they can talk without screaming and Sebastian feels his blood boiling.

Blaine doesn’t seem to notice or to care. He’s not a great dancer and seems to lose all of his charming dapperness when he gets drunk, and Sebastian wants to drag Kurt to the dancefloor, buy him a Sex on the Beach just so he remembers that Sebastian knows his favorite drink. Sebastian wants Kurt to acknowledge their past. 

It won’t happen, of course. Kurt told him that if he left without any promises, he wouldn’t promise that he would remember him when Sebastian came back. He left without promises or goodbyes and came back to find that Kurt’s only promise had become true.

(He has that sensation, like bile climbing up his throat and ice running down his back. He feels that cold dread when Kurt says goodbye to his friend and Blaine goes to dance with him, when Kurt dances so well beside his clumsy and drunk boyfriend, when they wave a hand as a goodbye in their way out. It aches, it makes him sick. Kurt and Blaine walk out holding each other by the waist and Sebastian thinks he may throw up.)


	7. Kids: Color on the walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Sebastian babysitting.

“I swear to god, she is the spawn of the devil.” Sebastian mutters, leaning against the kitchen’s countertop. Kurt just grins and hands him a cup of coffee.

“She’s spent way too much time with you, that’s the only explanation.” Kurt answers, and Sebastian scowls at him. “Ok, she’s got the worst genes in the universe. But, what did you expect?” He asks, a perfectly raised eyebrow directed at his boyfriend.

“I expected that fucking me would make my infinite wisdom transfer to you by osmosis and you would come to your senses and stop being friends with Rachel.” Kurt snorts gracelessly, making Sebastian smile a bit. “Still, I kind of like you.”

“Yeah. You are only in for the sex.” Kurt grins, Sebastian doesn’t add anything (they’ve been kind of dating since they are twenty five and maybe they have already acknowledged that they kind of love each other, but their entire relationship is based in kind of’s: they were kind of friends, with kind of too much chemistry for two friends, and now they are kind of boyfriends, kind of acting like they are thirteen years old when they are about to turn thirty). They just sip their coffees and take relief in the minutes of silence. “I promise I won’t accept to babysit Regina again in, at least, a month.”

“You know that if you can refuse Rachel, Jesse will find a way to convince me and we’ll end up with the little brat singi…” A yell interrumpts Sebastian’s complain. Regina St. James - Berry is crying, calling for uncle Kurt and uncle Seb. “When did I turn into the ‘uncle’ of your friends’ kids?” Sebastian mutters as Kurt drags him towards the living room, where Regina was sleeping a minute ago.

“They are your friends too, c’mon. What happened, Princess?” Kurt asks to Regina, who is sitting in the backrest of the couch, smiling brightly at them.

“I wrote a new song. Let me sing it to you!” Sebastian groans so loudly that Regina gets offended and they have to take her out for ice cream and let her stand at the top of a statue to sing her new song. 

_“I can’t believe she’s only six years old. When she turns ten, we take a year off and run to Paris. I won’t babysit her when she’s a teenager.” Sebastian warns. Kurt smiles and claps at Regina’s performance._


End file.
